Girl Songwriting 101

Coldfront Records #67
Produced by Mass Giorgini
Special Guest Vocalist - Joe Queer
Released - October 15th 2002
Contains 14 songs

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"The Only Way"

I see you standing there in the back of the room
I can't talk to you so I wrote this tune

It (a) goes woah...a woah oh...

Sitting in my room real late at night
Thinking of how I wanna hold you tight

Thinking about you I start to write this song
Com'on pretty baby come and sing along

"Girl Songwriting 101 (More Than Fries)"

The first step is to see a hot chick
You gotta think that she's the one to pick
You stare at her tits and look into her eyes
Before you know it, you love her more than fries

You wanna ask her out but what would she say?
You hope and you pray she'll notice you one day
You see her walking by but you run and hide
You can't get up the nerve to swallow your pride

You see them, You want them
Can't have them, Write about them

She sits there all alone waiting for her friends
You have no balls so you sit at the other end
You go home and pick up your guitar
You write about how nice her sweet legs are

You know you can't have her so you write about her looks
You'll never forget how you felt when she walked past and shook
The next step is to see her, you think you're on your way
At this point you're infatuated but you still run away

"Girl"

I like the way you move
I like the way you talk
I like the way you groove
I like the way you walk
My mind is always on you
And I can't stop thinking
When I am around you
I just can't stop from wishing

You were my girl

"Can't Get A Girl? (featuring Joe Queer)"

Can't get a girl? Kill yourself

Everyday I go to school I always wonder why
girls don't wanna go out with a geeky chess club guy
My mom said I'm good looking, she said girls would come my way
but 21 years later this is what I have to say

They don't even know me but they judge me by my looks
(I'll) never forget how I felt when they walk past and shook
Jocks make it look so easy cause they all run the school
My 85 Maxima doesn't make me look so cool

I was feeling depressed so I went and got some help
"Doc I'm tired of spending Friday nights all by myself"
The doctor looked me over and he analyzed my head
He came to a conclusion and this is what he said

Can't get a girl? Kill yourself tonight

"Cut-Off Jeans Girl"

I see you with your Daisy Dukes on
and I thought to myself you are the one
I wish I had the balls to say something to you
but instead I said nothing at all

You took a pair of scissors and cut your best jeans
By the way you looked I'd say you're in your late teens
Must girls won't dare to wear those really short shorts
but you don't seem to mind at all

I wish you were mine
Will you be mine
You're looking fine
All of the time

You're just a Cut-Off Jeans Girl

"Commercial Soft Drink Girl"

Commercial soft drink girl, will you be mine?
You drive me crazy, hit me baby one more time
Why don't you suck me, just like you suck that straw?

Commercial soft drink girl, I was alone when
I saw you on TV, oops...I did it again
I'd feel so lucky if you'd be with me

I wanna take you places that you've never been
Don't let me be the last to know
This song's from the bottom of my broken heart, oh yeah

Sometimes I think about you now and then
You're the right one for me baby
Oh how I love you...oh yes I do

Commercial soft drink girl
you're such a star
You're talent not your looks
is what got you where you are

I wanna pop your cherry,
just like you pop your can

Commercial soft drink girl
my loneliness is killing me
I must confess I still believe
When I'm not with you I lose my mind

"I Got The Boyfriend Line Again"

Seems like it happens everyday
minding my own business when
some girl starts a conversation

"She must be into me"
Things are going great until
I hear that same damn line again

oh, a whoa oh, a whoa oh
I got the boyfriend line again

One thing they gotta know
friendship isn't something that I want
Oh-no

Cause it's been far to long
since I found a girl who I could hold and love
till the end of time
I don't wanna hear that line

"Girls For Dummies"

Girls for dummies

Chapter one, here's the first mistake
treating girls like gold from the very first date
If you become their friend that's all you'll ever be

Chapter two, here's what to do
you find a girl who really likes you
and don't let her know that you like her too

Chapter three, now listen to me
Keep her emotions in agony
Keep on reading cause you're almost there

Chapter four, it's time to score
You followed the rules now she's your whore
Aren't you glad you listened to this song?

Now if you don't like what you're reading
we don't care for this reason
girls owe me so fuck you

"555-GIRL"

I'm sitting by the phone
Another Friday night all alone
You said you'd call at 10
Now I'm watchin' Letterman

Oh girl, oh girl

I keep on checking the line
My phone is working just fine
You said you liked me a lot
I guess it was just the pot

You said you liked my new band
Now I'm having sex with my hand
I'm in the mood for a hummer
Too bad you gave me this fake number

"Jen"

Jen, oh Jen
Oh yes I really really like you Jen
Oh Jen, oh Jen
Oh yes I really really want you Jen

I really really like you Jen
Why can't we be special friends?

Oh Jen, oh Jen
Oh yes I really wanna fuck you Jen
Oh Jen, oh Jen
Oh yes I really really like you Jen

I wanna be your boyfriend
How can it happen with him?

Oh Jen, oh Jen
I wanna steal you away from him
Oh Jen, oh Jen
Oh yes I really wanna fuck you Jen

I wanna be your special friend
I wanna love you till the end

Oh Jen, oh Jen
Oh yes I really really love you Jen
Oh Jen, oh Jen
Oh yes I wanna love you till the end

"I Like Your Girlfriend"

We saw each other that one night suddenly everything in the world was right
There was only one thing left to do figure out how to get rid of you
You think we're just friends well you'd better think again
cause I've got some news for you the rumors you've heard are true

I like your girlfriend
and she likes me too

She's always lookin' so sweet she keeps me on my feet
There's' nothing I'd rather do then steal her away from you
I wish that she'd break up with you so I could stop feeling so damn blue
Times running out, you're outta luck next time watch out for my eighteen wheel truck

"I Hate Your Girlfriend"

I hate your girlfriend she's such a bitch
I wanna kill her and slit her wrist
She took your freedom she took your life
You may be single but she's your wife

cause I hate your girlfriend
Na Na Na Na

You're under her control when she cracks that whip
I don't know how the fuck you take her lip
Always together, acting as one
Why don't you break away, and have some fun?

I hate that girl

"I Like Girl Songs"

I like to listen to songs about girls, they brighten up the day
Politics and twenty dollar words, that's just not my way
Everytime I see a beautiful girl she has a corresponding song
It makes me wanna go home and listen to MTX

Cause I like girl songs
pretty girl songs
silly girl songs
every girl song

Laying in bed on a Saturday night listening to my stereo
Being best friends with my record collection, there's no other way to go
The music is all I got, but you're the one I want
It makes me wanna go home and listen to the Queers

Girls